Key Scripture: Matthew 25:1-13
Related Sermon: “The Wise and Foolish Bridesmaids” (sermón en español)
In our Gospel from this past Sunday, we were challenged to compare and contrast the wise and foolish bridesmaids. As with the parable of the wise and foolish builders, Jesus is encouraging us to emulate the behavior of wise while eschewing the behavior of the foolish. The key question to ask is which bridesmaid is representative of my life?
At a basic level, the parable is a lesson in the importance of being prepared for the Day of the Lord. The foolish bridesmaids did not bring extra oil. They failed to plan for the possibility of a delay of the coming bridegroom. The wise bridesmaids had an extra flask of oil anticipating a worst case. As a tool for self examination, we might reflect on the destructiveness of procrastination for sanctification, or the human tendency to live for this life only rather than eternity, or the importance of short term costly sacrifice for long term security.
However, I would like to focus on another major theme in this parable: the issue of co-dependency. Here are the key verses:
7 “Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. 8 The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.’
9 “‘No,’ they replied, ‘there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.’
The foolish bridesmaids expected that the wise bridesmaids would give them some of their reserved oil. They did not ask. They demanded. They did not take into account the grave damage which their demands would cause to their wise counterparts. Their only focus was on their own crisis caused by their own personal short-sightedness and foolishness.
Many of us have people in our lives that make demands on us which would cause grave damage to our own relationship with God. No person has the right or authority to demand or prevent us from truly living under the Lordship of Jesus. He is the King.
Sadly, there are marriages, where one spouse demands of the other spouse that they give up the very things that lead to a vital and thriving Christian life such as, church participation, a ministry using their spiritual gifts, or spiritual growth in study groups. Indeed, any relationship can become an occasion where one person sacrifices that which is precious to them in order to appease the self-centered demand of the fool.
A wise bridesmaid knows not to give away the precious oil reserves. They refused to help the other bridesmaids by sharing their oil because to do so would jeopardize their own secure place at the banquet. The wise refused to sacrifice their attainment of the prize of the bridegroom and the banquet.
The key is personal responsibility. The wise bridesmaids will not compromise their own place at the groom’s wedding banquet to help those who refuse to take responsibility. They have boundaries. They say, “No”. They encouraged the fool to take responsibility for their own life: “go buy some for yourself!” Learning to say “no” at the right time is healthy. So, when I allow a foolish bridesmaid to have some of my oil, not only does it not help them become wise, it makes me a fool like them.
Ultimately, each person must be responsible for his or her own relationship with the Lord. The faith cannot be outsourced or delegated. No one will be saved by riding on “coat tails” of another’s faith. One person’s faith cannot make up for another person’s lack of faith.
The idea of saying “no” to a fellow bridesmaid can have the feel of being a little harsh. Aren’t Christians supposed to share, give and sacrifice for others? Jesus taught us to give those to ask, to go the extra mile. Yes, that is true with respect to the material things of this world. But Jesus never asks his people to give away their salvation and their personal relationship with God. Indeed, Christians are forbidden to compromise or capitulate with our relationship with Jesus Christ.
So when another person asks us to give up the things of our faith in order to enable their lack of faith, the answer is “No”. The wise recognize that foolish bridesmaids do not take the bridegroom or the wedding banquet seriously. That is to their detriment; do not make it to yours as well. The wise bridesmaid will not let anything or anyone prevent them from being a part of that heavenly banquet and their secure relationship with the Lord. Say “no” to the fool, when a “yes” would cost you your soul.
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